Lost.

What do I say ? Urmm, these days have been really hard for me. I have been having issues going on lately, in my life. I have no say, totally. It was once upon a time when I felt really blessed. I can see things falling appart. I wish it only gets better, but neah! I don't know what I want. Thus, I don't know where I am heading to. Completely clueless, not knowing what comes first in life. I have all desires, a lot of dreams, not to mention my beloveds' hopes and expectations on me. I have disappointed them once. They were really hurt. I was and I am too. But what do I do next ? It feels like a girl standing all by herself in a stranded land under the rain without people around, with no paths to follow, if only you know what's she going through inside. I have nice people around me. Yet, there's something that I don't get enough from them. Don't ask me what is that, it is just that. Confusion in mind and sorrow at heart. The motivation, enthusiasm, willingness to do anything to achieve my goals, self-esteem, confidence are no longer there in me. I truly miss the old me! That pretty obedient daughter whom my mom's always been proud of, that daddy's eldest daughter who only knew winning!

I have no clue what is going on with my life! I do not know what is wrong with me and yeah with my life too. Frustrating enough! What else do I have to complain ? I'm His perfect creation, the fortunate one for I'm gifted with perfect family and decent life yet as you are aware, I am complaining. I can't believe I am complaining. What is there to complain when life has been fair enough to me ? There are unfortunate people out there with greater obstacles in their lives, yet they are not complaining, they are succeeding instead. But what is happening to me ? Where are the optimism, motivation, spirit, enthusiasm and courage I once had ? and Oh ya, I have not been seeking Him lately. Perhaps that is why I don't feel blessed anymore for the God is hardly in the center of my attention now. Pretty much messed up inside, not knowing what I am trying to fit into! I only hope by the time I buck up, it's not too late to make things better. Oh Lord, hear me out please. :(

Youdontknowyouareinlove.

When you realise you are falling for someone 

Why do you try to avoid her ? Why do you put yourself in limits and too afraid to put your toes outta line ? 

Why do you try really hard to avoid meeting her eyes ? Why will you be too careful in arranging words when you are talking a word or two to her ? Why does the heart skip beats when you meet her ? 

Why do you feel like your heartstrings tug a little bit more when you see her getting close to another boy ?

Why is that ? 

You don't know. You are in love. 


Love is 

• the urge to know everything and every single thing about her. 
• to understand her completely.
• to wish to always be there for her when she is down.
• to feel a red-hot poker of jealousy stabbing you when she talks to another guy.
• to realise that you can't spend a day without her.
• to shed a tear when she is not around because that is how much you miss her.
• to love her more when she is absent.
• to love yourself more because you know she loves you, your handsome self. 
• to feel like the luckiest guy to be loved by her.
• to feel like you are the best guy because she has chosen you out of all the zillion guys in the world.
• to lose interest in talking to other girls no matter how pretty they can be because she is the only one that you want to talk to.
• to make no response to the other girls' flirtations
• to find all girls just the same and ordinary because she is your only apple of eye. 
• to feel like she is the most perfect female specimen to have set foot on the planet because she is yours.
• to wish you had all the earthly time just to talk to her.
• to find her really cute in a guys-just-want-to-protect-her kind of way when she is by herself.
• to be more sensitive to her sarcasm and to sulk hoping that she would persuade you. 
• to expect more attention from her.
• to wish to just hug her when she cries and shivers because she is all yours.
• to wish to protect her and treat her just like how her dad possibly does.
• to wish she would take care of you too, just like how your mom does. 
• to dream your whole future with her. 
• to catch yourself smiling thinking of her.
• to have her as the last thing on your mind and you'd be clicked off your lamp every night and she is your first thought when you open your eyes.
• to be proud to call her, your girl infront of your friends and the other girls. 
• to feel like you would move heaven and earth just to spend your life with her.

No doubt, no delay.  

You are madly in love with her.

She is your soulmate.

:) 

A poem in your absence

I have so much love in me, 

to be given to you.

Along with my little heart,

as an assurance.

For you will be the better half of me. 

But guy,

Why this lie.

I would be the happiest girl in the world,

you told. 

Then, why am I here

with fear,

Between these four walls,

Shedding a tear, 

fear of losing you.
thinking of you.

Far from me,

Away from my sight,

Your mere love I still felt.

Your words I treasure,

For it gives a day full of pleasure,

I am sure,

You are my star!

who shines and glows,

with my love.

Hey, listen once.

I whisper.

I miss you.

Hear that ?

I love you!

A little more than yesterday,

As my love only grows deeper every day,

Forever this way.

His love

Heyya all. Here goes my second poem in the collection after a year. 

Happy reading & much love!

Again,
Exceptional questions in my brain,
Again, 
His love struck me like a strain.
A definite strain of romance,
Straining at the leash to get the love,
like a topspin.

His transparent transient love,
Yet a blissful ignorance I shove,
In a temporary loveless inn, 
I thought I was in,
But his solicitousness
Brought me to his la-la loveland
and forever there I stand.
Wishing the happy pattern not to be broken,
Wishing it not to be a game of connect-the-dots
                                                                    between us.

Hence, 
this is introduction, 
and expression
also confession 
of commitment
                         between us,
Who are head over heels,
in love.

A mere thought.

"Let it be right or wrong, I just want my mom and dad to know everything that I do & I don't care what anybody else thinks about it. 

I'm unlike the other decent obedient girls for I'm wild and a little spoilt but at least I'm being the real me in front of my parents. Absolutely, no lies." 

My parents have been more of best friends to me. I tell them everything. I can talk to them about anything especially to mom, she is too cool. Whereas, dad. He is also jovial and easy to get along with but as a dad to three daughters, he is protective and possesive. I can't stand him at times when the topic of guys arises between us and he'll be like, "No, you don't know about these guys. You're still a little girl. You don't really know the world today". Yet he is friendly to my guy friends. and talking about guy friends, I needa tell you. I am an introvert and I usually learn a hard way talking to guys at early conversations. I have this ego in me which never lets me to talk to a guy without him approaching me first. I don't talk to any random guy. Perhaps that's why by a glance, they call me arrogant.


Well, what to blame ? I WAS from a girls' school where boys used to look like aliens for me. Now that I am studying in a boys' school things have changed, my thoughts have changed and to be more specific, I changed. I have more guy friends than girl friends. I started to feel comfortable talking and being with guys. I find less dramas in them and most important of all, they are so cool. They bully me so often, I mind but again I get this extraordinary privilege of being their center of attention all the time. 

Back to the topic at hand, my parents know each of my friend. I ensure they do. I am 19 now. I guess not all the time, things go well between parents and their grown up children no matter how cool both can be. My opinion is once you're 18, it's always the best way to stay away from family. For many reasons. After the age of 18, our circle of friends gets wider and of course even the nerdiest teen owns a social life. Everybody does but it only comes to true realisation when friends replace family. When you eventually start to keep your social life healthy, you will face problem with either your mom or dad or why not ? BOTH. When it comes to your social life, there would be at least one thing that your parents do not and will not agree with. They think going out with a guy can only be called dating instead of meeting. 
And FRIENDS. Talking about friends, they are all the same to me regardless of their gender. May it be a he or she, no difference it makes to me. I crack the same jokes, I talk the same nonsense, I sing the same crap, and I be the same fool while being with them.  


Perhaps you would wonder, why am I even talking about this ? Well, I have been thinking about some girl-boy friendship issues lately. What do you think when you see 6 guys and a girl hanging out together ? or to be precise, what do you think about that girl ? Lemme list down the facts. First, those 6 guys are nobody but her schoolmates, she calls them friends. Second, her parents know those 6 guys as they have been to her house. Third, she told her parents the truth that she is going out with ONLY GUYS with no girls and her dad drove her to the place. What else matters ? that "Yindian" society that we are living around ? about what those "Yindian" uncles and aunties may think about that girl ? It's time to go against the stereotypical "Yindian" mentality. and a note to you if you are reading this post, DO NOT JUDGE ME YET. I haven't said enough. 

Poetry makes my amazing boyfrann.

Poetry makes my perfect boyfie. 

(Temme how does this sound now? )

Okay so lets get started! Poetry means writing lyrics and poems (according to me). I love poetry. It moves the heart and touches the soul. Guys playing guitars in parks and streets, playing piano in ballrooms, playing drums in bands and girls screaming and cheering for him. We find 'em sexy, don't we ? (sexy-not in term of sexuality but I mean being excessively interesting) ;) Well, if you ask me, I would give a big yes! 

okay so that's about it. back to the topic at hand, poetry makes a guy amazing, watcha say ? I feel so aww-ed reading poems written by a guy, let it be for his girlfriend or whateveryounameher. Poetic guys are boring, quite often girls think in such way. long boring poems, too much of dedication and love potrayed makes it all dull. BUT don't you love to have a poem specially written FOR YOU by a guy who loves you truly? to have lyrics written specially ABOUT YOU and they are dedicated through a lovely music to you ? in the park, by the beach, under the bright moonlight, during a candle light dinner, or OKAY. I'm going far. So yeah. I personally think guys with good poetry skills are the best romantic chaps. AND a poetic guy is certainly the ladies' man. 

say what say what? Yes, I'd marry a guy who has a good poetry touch. at least, a proposal with a poem certainly! *winks BECAUSE girls like me, who are into art, music and writing will go for guys like that because we want to hold a conversation with guys we find attractive. so what else would make us feel like that if its not about similarities we seek in each other ? plus, as far as I could see, not too many guys are into poets nowadays so in one way, that's quite special. ;) but to highlight the fact of matter here, If the guy writes poems for the love that he has for poetry apart from the love he has for the girl he truly loves, and his ideas come from his personal feeling and experiences, then yes! HE IS THE ONE. :)

P/S: This whole post is not inspired by fairy tales or scenes that I daydream about. THEY ARE REAL. A real guy who is real about his feelings would make this real for me. :)

I Call It Love

Hola again, peepol ! So, this's my first poem which I actually wrote it last year. So, thought of sharing it here and NO PLAGIARISM yeah. :) I mean it in a good way. and yes! again, it's a love material ha-ha nothing new about me right ? :D but fyi, I wrote this without an insipiration which means I wasn't in love with any fecking guy at that moment. (just so you think I wrote this for my freckin boyfee). :P Hey so yeah read it and hope to get comments from you'll. Till see you again, toodles! xx

I Call It Love

The day I saw you,

The day I heard you,

was the day I lost my heart,

in a split second when I let it go with you.

I'd always wondered,

if I would ever give my heart,

to someone who would walk with me for the rest of my life.

The other girls did, but it's about me that I doubted.

I wasn't sure if this's the feeling that we spell it with four letters,

L.O.V.E. which has only one universal meaning for all of us,

It's undefined, it means the world for everyone,

for everyone whose love has a life that lives it.

Yes, this is the feeling,

The feeling that ought to be expressed by me to him, 

The feeling that ought to be felt by him too,

for the reciprocated love that I want to have.

For all I know and all that I know,

Im giving my heart to him,

with a little hope, a little wish in me,

that he would give his to me,

and mine would always remain unbroken with him.

This is L.O.V.E.

Yes, it's the love that I felt for the first time.

This love needs an answer,

An answer from him who owns my little heart.