A little update:"I love my 17 years old brothers from school"

Hola!

Uhm, it's about those 17 years old guys in school. They used to be really nice. They are funny and I love their sense of humor a lot. Now, things are not the same between us anymore. I don't really take anything serious in life especially when it comes to friendships and relationships. I prefer making peace and being nice always no matter what happens. BUT this time, I am not sure if it's something tolerable. I could not accept the way they treated me despite the closeness we've shared all this while. AND to listen to someone else and believing her blindly just like that ? Is that what a friend does ? & as always, I simply fail at handling immaturity. I could not be bothered to explain further to make 'em understand the actual thing that happened. So, I let it be like that. Blehhh. Let I be the the wrong one. Let I be the bad one. Being manipulated and blammed. Think whatever you guys wanna think, go ahead. Well-played. Byebye from my life, I said. 

BUT NOW.

I would relle love to go back to March when everything was the most beautiful in my life! The first 6 months of this year were the best part. I miss these people whom I had at that time who are no longer in my life now. 

Good or bad & the harm done, I guess that doesn't matter anymore. I would love to have the most amazing feeling of forgiving and patching up again, once more!! 

I've never been backstabbed nor messed up with anyone. I guess it's meant to happen, so did it happen. It's a great experience, they'd been a great lesson. 

At the moment, I can only think of being happy & what would make me the happiest girl for once ? IF WE TALK  TO EACH OTHER, AGAIN. IF WE CAN BE LIKE LAST TIME, AGAIN. 

BUT AGAIN

What if, just IF, for the ego that I've thrown away long time back, I summon it up now. It's time coz it would make me wise & hard.

Show me the right way, Lord! :)

He, I and Indifference (II)

Yesterday, he be the one I want.

Today, he be the one I do not want.

Yesterday, it was love.

Today, it is indifference.

We split up for no reason,

Just like how I loved him for no reason.

I looked for one reason to hold on

He looked for hundreds of reason to move on.

I used to go there for him.

But now that he is not there anymore,

I shall never go there anymore,

Till somebody replaces him.

He came, he left. That is he. 

Pain [19.08.2012]

                                                                     

                                                                     

The silence,
The loneliness,
The darkness,
The emptiness.

The voices in my head
They are not compromising.
Neither the situation is.
The pain in heart 
The disorientation in mind
Do not seem to understand
My eyes swell and ache
The tears will not stop they say
Till the hurt is felt no more.

The reason is that
The heart knows what it wants
The mind understands what it needs
But the mouth fails to speak.
Expectation and hopes
are two different words.
But
they lead to only one,
HEART CRUSHING PAIN.

He, I and Indifference (I)

It was yesterday,
When he held my hand,
So secure I felt,
Having his fingers wrapped with mine.
The moment is gone.

Yesterday,
At that same place,
He looked at me filled with love
For I am his girl.
The moment is gone.
Today,
At that same place,
He looked at me filled with hatred
For I am no longer his girl.

For a guy who used to love me more than I did,
For a guy who used to pamper me more than I did,
For a guy who used to think about us more than I did,
For a guy who used to wish we would last long more than I did,
What made him to move on so easily?
How did he get over me so easily?

If it was closeness he asked for
yesterday,
Why is it separation he asked for
today?

He, I and I love You

When I met him for the first time,

I did not know he would mean a lot to me,

I did not know he would be so important to me,

I fell for the person I never thought I would fall for,

Now he is the best thing that has happened to me.

When he says he loves me,

I only wish for a thing,

May he stays the same,

Because he is so perfect being himself.

I know we are young,

but I hope he is the one.

He is a kid,

who wants to be pampered,

who wants to be taken care of,

He is a boy,

who needs his girl to flirt with,

who needs his girl to tell everything to,

He is a man,

who needs to be respected,

who needs to be acknowledged.

The sweetest thing he does is,

saying all the little things to let me know that I am in his heart.

He promises he would not leave me nor hurt me.

I promise I would always be there for him.

Our relationship is complicated,

I do not even understand what are we sometimes,

but the only thing I do know is,

I love him very much.

Hence,

He, I and “I love you”.

p/s: Thanks for being an inspiration. For you.

If you don't, someone else will

If you can't live up to my expectations,treat me well at least.
If you don't, someone else will. 
If you can't fulfill my fantasies, show me all ways of love at least.
If you don't, someone else will.


Show me the way you love
to prove you deserve me. 
Show me how much you love
to prove you deserve me.
If you don't, someone else will.


Let my mind point you,

Let my heart says it's you,

While you never make me feel you are the best,
You definitely don't deserve my best.

While you never make effort for it to last ,

You are definitely not better than my past.
While you never realise what it takes to be with a girl like me,
You are definitely just the same who does not deserve me.

You may charm sassy beings ,

You may melt many hearts,

You may break girls' prides,

You may suit nouveau riche tastes,

But 
if you are never the man who fights for what he loves,
if you are never the man who wants to stay no matter how hard it is going to be,
You would just have to know,
Everyone falls in love but not everyone stays in love,
with the same girl,
forever.

My Imperfectness

My imperfectness

Sunday, 08.04.2012

Darkness between four walls. 

Mere silence. 

Only me
and tears as companion. 

I wish to be invisible. 

I wish to run away from here, 

far from here 

to a place where there is no one.
or I'll just plummet to my death. 

It's impossible. 

I dislike the mirror.

For it reflects the person I dislike

Me.  

I always loved myself 

yet in what darkness, 

what dense ignorance, 

was this mental battle fought. 

Every nerve I'd feared my imperfectness 

and every morsel of flesh in my bones shrank 

when they point it out. 

I'm fine this way, I say 

but deep at heart, I am not.

My racked nerves were now in such state that,

no calm could soothe and

no pleasure excite them.

Do not blame me for not being myself. 

I will repent.